Social anxiety disorder (SAD) presents many challenges, but there are also many ways to find relief. These tips can help you work toward a healthier social life.
Making friends is difficult, especially as an adult. But making friends can be even more difficult for people who experience social anxiety disorder.
It’s natural to have a heightened level of anxiety when meeting new people, but there’s a difference between the anxiety that we all experience from time to time and social anxiety.
Social anxiety stems from having an
For people with social anxiety disorder (SAD), everyday social interaction — even with established friends — can provoke anxiety. This can cause a significant decrease in quality of life.
When it comes to making new friends, people with social anxiety may find themselves paralyzed, afraid of saying the wrong thing, or being harshly judged.
Even if they know these fears are irrational, social situations still trigger anxiety symptoms. They may shut down, withdraw, or become noticeably nervous.
For those who have social anxiety but want to make new friends, here are some techniques that can help you feel more comfortable in social situations and open you up to new connections.
One of the first lines of defense when it comes to social situations for people with social anxiety is to immediately put up a wall of negative thoughts, like “I will humiliate myself.” It’s an automatic reaction.
Learning to agree to disagree with these initial reactions can be a way to press through them and eventually minimize negative beliefs. This is called curiosity training.
This works by practicing to pay attention with curiosity and taking interest in a conversation, person, or activity while treating your thoughts and feelings like background noise. It helps train you to get out of your head and into the moment.
It also means being curious about what people are saying, rather than absorbing it as an evaluation.
How to keep negativity in the background
Let’s be honest. Completely silencing negative thoughts rarely works. Instead, here’s how to not get too caught up in them:
- Recognize your negative thought for what it is — just a thought.
- Don’t judge your thought or yourself for having it.
- Let it shift into the background by maintaining a neutral or even dismissive assessment. Think “It’s just a thought, not necessarily reality,” or “I agree to disagree, anxiety.”
- Optional: Imagine a more positive alternative scenario or outcome.
It’s natural to want to avoid the things that frighten you. But avoiding the situations that trigger you can actually make anxiety worse in the long run.
The more we expose ourselves to the situations that we fear, the more comfortable we become navigating them. You don’t have to face all your biggest fears at once. Starting small, with situations that only bring mild discomfort, is a great place to start.
For example, you could work your way through these goals if you tend to clam up when meeting new people:
- Make eye contact with a stranger.
- Smile at someone you don’t know.
- Introduce yourself to someone new.
- Ask someone you just met a question.
- Give someone new a compliment.
Working with a therapist may help with identifying where to start and gradually expanding your comfort zone.
Technology is a new way to connect with people, but it can also perpetuate social anxiety.
It’s so easy to socialize with people on the internet that it can become a way for someone with social anxiety to think they have all the friends they need on their phone or computer.
Why put down the phone then? In-person connections can often be
Yes, online social connections are better than no connections at all. But ask yourself the question: Are you using tech to avoid social situations? Or do you enjoy it, and does it make life a little better, while still balanced with in-person interactions?
Social anxiety can sometimes feel all-consuming, and unfamiliar situations with new people can make it worse.
To help ease your feeling of overwhelm, try a test run before a big event so that at least some part of the routine feels familiar.
For example, practice the commute, look into coffee shops near the destination, or visit the activity location ahead of time so you can identify a spot to get away for a moment if you’re feeling too anxious.
Talk therapy is always an option for treating any anxiety disorder. When it comes to social anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective treatment.
CBT is full of techniques that can help manage your thoughts, emotions, and even physical responses to social situations.
One technique a therapist might use is exposure. This method exposes people to dreaded situations and suggests ways to manage fear.
For example, you may start by visualizing a 3-minute social scenario or interaction that triggers anxiety. Over time, you might add more visualization time, expose yourself to the situation in small doses (think: saying hello to your barista), and eventually graduate to scarier situations.
As you slowly expose yourself to these fears, they’ll have less and less power over your emotions.
Self-care is essential for everyone, but especially for people with anxiety.
Remember to be kind to yourself and know your limits, and try not to push yourself past your breaking point. Get sufficient sleep and eat regular, healthy meals.
Try to go easy on the drinks. Sometimes it’s common for people to rely on alcohol in social situations as a way to loosen up, but in the end, this actually exacerbates anxiety.
Healthier ways to keep a drink in hand
Try the one-to-one method of alternating between an alcoholic drink and a glass of water. Or, create a mocktail that you know you love. Add some flavor to sparkling water with bitters, lemon slices, or a splash of juice.
Many people are out there trying to navigate social anxiety. You’re definitely not alone! If you only stay for half the party, that’s still a win as you continue working through your anxiety.
And the kinder you are to yourself, the more you invite others to follow suit.