Some folks refer to ENM relationships as consensual, disclosed, or open non-monogamy because they are distinguished by ongoing communication and consideration.

The term “monogamy” usually refers to a romantic or sexual relationship between two people who have agreed not to have relationships with anyone else at the same time.

“Non-monogamy” is an umbrella term that can describe individual encounters or ongoing relationships with more than one person.

Cheating is sometimes referred to as unethical or nonconsensual non-monogamy because it involves intimacy with someone outside of your relationship agreement.

However, ENM is the exact opposite. What this looks like, exactly, depends on the type of ENM dynamic you have with each romantic or sexual partner.

There are many ways to practice ENM without adhering to any specific relationship model.

You may find it helpful to familiarize yourself with some of the more common characteristics below and use them as a starting point in your journey.

Monogamish relationships

Monogamish relationships are mostly monogamous but allow for occasional sexual encounters with others.

The exact definition varies from relationship to relationship. For example, some partners prefer to play together with someone new, while others favor experiences independent of one another.

Open relationships

The term “open relationship” can describe any relationship dynamic that allows for intimate interactions with others outside the partnership.

Some open relationships are built around a committed primary relationship, while others treat all connections equally without prioritizing one over the others.

Polyamorous relationships

Polyamory involves being in a romantic or sexual relationship with more than one person at a time.

Common forms include:

  • Garden party polyamory: Your partner’s partners, or metamours, join you for important events.
  • Parallel polyamory: Metamours have limited interactions with each other.
  • Kitchen table polyamory: All partners are close with each other.
  • Solo polyamory: You are your own primary partner.

Polyfidelity

Unlike traditional monogamy, polyfidelity involves three or more people. But unlike open non-monogamy, it does not involve any outside romantic or sexual connections.

In polyfidelity, all partners are equal, and no one dates or has sex with people outside the polycule (the established group).

Common forms include:

  • Throuple or triad: three people dating each other
  • Quad: four people dating each other
  • Vee: one person dating two people who aren’t dating each other

ENM is the practice of having multiple romantic or sexual connections with the consent and understanding of everyone involved.

Like other relationships, ENM may take a hierarchical or nonhierarchical approach.

In hierarchical non-monogamy, you may have primary, secondary, or tertiary partners with varying levels of dedication or commitment prescribed to each.

Non-hierarchical non-monogamy does not involve a primary partnership or assign value to different relationship dynamics. Romantic partners, for example, are not seen as more important than sexual partners.

Relationship anarchy takes this concept further: All relationships are seen as equally important, and traditional relationship structures are not implied or assumed.

The “E” in “ENM” is crucial. This usually involves a conversation during the “getting to know you” phase about what you’re each looking for in a potential partner.

How vague or specific this conversation is ultimately depends on the situation. For example, explaining the intricacies of your relationships may not be necessary if you’re only looking for a one-night or weekend fling.

But if this changes during your time together and you mutually decide to pursue something more, it’s important to be honest about what you’re interested in or able to offer.