Talking about your experiences, emotions, and goals with your partner can help build emotional intimacy. Small gestures of appreciation, shared laughter, and exploring new activities can also strengthen your bond.

“Emotional intimacy” generally refers to a sense of closeness in an interpersonal relationship, although people use the term in different ways. A relationship may be emotionally intimate if the people in it:

  • feel a sense of closeness, support, and trust
  • care about each other’s feelings and well-being
  • openly share their thoughts and feelings with one another
  • are empathetic or understanding of one another’s perspectives and experiences
  • feel understood and accepted by one another

Taking steps to increase emotional intimacy with your partner may have benefits for your relationship quality, relationship satisfaction, and personal well-being.

Read on to learn why emotional intimacy is important and how to build it.

According to a 2019 review, intimacy is an important factor in relationship quality.

Emotional intimacy may help:

  • improve the quality of your relationship
  • increase commitment between you and your partner
  • help you and your partner navigate challenges together

Emotional intimacy may also increase your personal sense of well-being and help foster feelings of happiness, life satisfaction, and self-esteem.

A 2018 study of adult relationships found that higher levels of emotional intimacy were linked to higher levels of sexual desire among partners. Emotional intimacy may help boost or maintain sexual desire, especially in long-term relationships. Sexual arousal and orgasm may, in turn, increase feelings of intimacy.

If you experience negative feelings about sex, emotional intimacy may help you manage these. A 2024 scoping review suggests that older adults who report higher levels of emotional intimacy typically report lower levels of “sexual distress,” which refers to a range of negative feelings people can hold about their sexual relationships.

Here are some strategies that may help build emotional intimacy in your relationship.

Make time to share

Talking about your experiences and feelings together is important for building intimacy. Some people may find this easier to do than others.

You and your partner might find it helpful to set aside a block of time each day for intentional sharing. The Gottman Institute recommends finding a comfortable and private space to sit together without distractions, and then taking turns talking.

When it’s your turn to share, talk about whatever’s on your mind — whether it’s positive experiences from your day, challenges you’ve been facing, or hopes or anxieties about your past or future.

When it’s your turn to listen, pay close attention to what your partner is saying without interrupting. You can ask follow-up questions or share words of support when they’re done talking. Try to keep an open mind and resist the urge to judge or criticize.

Consider asking your partner whether they just want to vent or whether they want to hear your suggested solutions or problem-solve together.

Support each other’s goals

Helping each other achieve goals may bring you and your partner closer.

Consider asking whether your partner has any goals or personal projects they’re working on or planning for their future. Take time to learn about why those goals or projects are important to them. Ask whether there’s anything you can do to help support them.

Also, talk with your partner about your own goals and projects. Reflect on whether any of your goals overlap. There might be changes that you and your partner can make together to bring you both closer to your goals.

A 2023 study found that adult partners were more likely to achieve their individual goals and reported higher life satisfaction when they communicated about their goals, cooperated in pursuing them, and supported each other along the way.

Show appreciation and affection

Small gestures of appreciation and affection may help you and your partner feel valued and supported in your relationship.

For example:

  • Say “thank you” when your partner does something kind or helpful.
  • Give your partner compliments or leave them love notes that describe what you appreciate or admire about them.
  • Regularly pick up a treat for your partner at the store, make them a cup of tea, or do other small acts of kindness to show you care.

Different people appreciate different gestures of affection or appreciation. Ask your partner what helps them feel loved and appreciated, and try to incorporate those gestures into your day-to-day interactions.

Also, let them know how they can show you love and appreciation. For example, you might say something like, “I feel so good when you say you enjoy my baking!” or “You make me feel safe and secure when you listen to my feelings without criticizing them.”

Laugh together

Sharing laughs with your partner may help foster feelings of happiness and tenderness, according to a 2021 review.

Inside jokes or funny memories you share may help you feel close and connected.

Humor may also help ease tension or defuse conflict in your relationship, although it’s important to laugh with each other rather than at one another’s expense.

Savor positive relationship memories

Savoring positive experiences and memories in your relationship may help boost your mood and limit relationship distress, suggests a 2023 study.

Consider taking some time to reflect on positive memories involving your partner. These might include memories of meaningful activities you’ve enjoyed together, challenges you’ve overcome together, or times when you’ve felt loved or cherished.

Reflect on how you felt during those moments. Try to remember small details. Consider sharing your memories with your partner and asking about their own. You might also enjoy looking through photographs or videos of your time together.

Try new activities together

Trying a new activity with your partner may help boost positive emotions and increase your sense of connection and relationship satisfaction.

The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley recommends brainstorming a list of 10 activities together that intrigue or excite you both, such as:

  • playing a new game
  • trying a new sport or hobby
  • taking a class or workshop
  • visiting a new hiking trail, museum, or restaurant
  • trying an erotic activity, such as role-playing or a new sex technique

Write down the details for each activity, such as how much it will cost and when you can do it. Scheduling time in your calendars for the activity and allocating space in your budget may help you follow through.

Consider counseling

Sometimes past conflicts, traumatic experiences, or mental health challenges make it harder to build or maintain emotional intimacy.

You or your partner might find it helpful to connect with a mental health professional who can help you manage these challenges. One-on-one counseling, relationship counseling, or a combination of both may be helpful, depending on your specific needs and preferences.

Consider asking your doctor for a referral to a mental health professional or use an online directory to search for counselors in your area.

Making time to learn about one another’s thoughts, feelings, and goals may help you and your partner better understand and support each other.

Showing your appreciation and affection for your partner and helping them do the same for you may help you both feel loved and valued.

Sharing laughs, positive memories, and other mood-boosting experiences may also increase your sense of connection and satisfaction with your relationship.

If you’re experiencing barriers to emotional intimacy in your relationship, you might find it helpful to speak with a mental health professional who can help you address them.