Learning to manage diabetes is not easy, and it’s a daily process to navigate my blood sugar, mental health, food choices, exercise, and more.
My doctor asked me, “Do you want a few months to see if you can manage this with diet and exercise?” She knows me well. I was shocked. She waited for me to say something, but I could not respond.
My doctor continued, “Your fasting blood sugar is 153, and your A1C is 7.1.” She paused. “You know what this means.”
Indeed. I knew exactly what this meant. It meant that I had type 2 diabetes.
I’m well-versed in these lab numbers and what they mean. As a retired certified professional midwife, I’ve counseled numerous pregnant people through gestational diabetes. I’m familiar with the glucose meters, blood sugar levels, food diaries, and all of the lifestyle changes this diagnosis would mean for me.
It means big changes and accepting the truth in uncomfortable, crucial ways. It means facing the fact that I have a chronic condition.
I hung up the phone. It took me 3 days to tell my partner.
My go-to way of managing stressful situations is to research. As soon as I got off the phone with my doctor, l retreated to my office, where I could do a deep dive into type 2 diabetes.
I stopped by my pharmacy to purchase a finger prick glucose meter, lancets, and test strips. Making my finger bleed multiple times a day to test my blood sugars made it feel very real, very fast.
I felt driven by a need to understand how I got here to figure out how to move forward.
My risk factors painted a picture of why the diabetes diagnosis shouldn’t have been a surprise:
- Weight gain:
Like many other people , I gained weight during the pandemic. For months, I didn’t do much but walk from the bed to the kitchen to the computer. I stopped walking the dog and started driving to the dog park. Just 5 years ago, I was running 5K races. - Snacking: Over time, I began eating more pasta, bread, and comfort foods. After dinner, I snacked.
- Age: At 57 years old, I’m in the prime age group for receiving a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes. While I understand that my body and mind will shift as I age, I am still accepting this sudden lurch into living with a chronic condition.
- Family medical history: With a family history of diabetes and heart disease, maybe I should have known better.
Even with those risk factors, I really just didn’t think diabetes would sneak in the door.
Because I put off a checkup for 2 years, I don’t know how long I may have been living with the disease.
You can learn more about these and other risk factors for type 2 diabetes.
What no one talks about is the emotional work of having diabetes.
This condition
I still haven’t told my sons about my diagnosis because telling them makes it real. I know my news will make them worry. I also will tell them that it may put them at a
I will feel their eyes on me, willing me to poke my fingertips multiple times a day, willing to be deeply dedicated to the management it requires.
There’s a part of me that feels angry, too. Why is this happening to me?
I feel shame. Or is it guilt? Many people living with type 2 diabetes experience shame and guilt about their health. Every day, I push away the thought that this was a personal failure.
I’m not going to waste any more bandwidth feeling self-conscious. I will not dig deeper into our family history, trying to blame my fate on genetics. I’m going to try to focus on what I can manage.
It has only been a few weeks, and I’m already making some changes.
In the kitchen, I found the food scale and pulled out the measuring cups. Just having it on the counter has been an effective reminder to work on portion sizes.
I’ve filled the fridge with recommended items: green vegetables, lean meats, low glycemic fruits, and a few diet sodas in case I long for something sweet.
I put together a new playlist for the many hours of walking ahead of me, and I walked with the dog, who is quite pleased with this lifestyle improvement.
I’m also allowing myself to get a little excited. I remember what it feels like to be in better shape and get moving for a few miles with the dog every morning.
I’m tracking my blood sugar numbers, finding patterns and identifying foods that trigger me. I will miss ciabatta bread, but I remember how much I love sweet potatoes.
I know I will have days when I won’t walk a mile, and I’m certainly having a slice of pie during the holidays. I know that this cannot be an all-or-nothing situation.
I’m giving myself permission to make changes imperfectly because even imperfect changes are steps in the right direction.
Finding support for type 2 diabetes
Living with diabetes is a daily challenge that can feel isolating.
But you are not alone.
Community and support can be an important aspect of living with this condition. One tool that may be helpful is finding community, in places like Bezzy. This online community includes a form to connect with other people with type 2 diabetes, as well as many other helpful resources.
What I’m wondering about now is healing from the diagnosis. It’s work. The burden of having diabetes in a world that doesn’t always understand what it’s like is not insignificant. The emotional weight is work.
I’ve accepted that I’ll have to learn a new dance.
Jana Studelska is a writer and editor located in Minnesota. She is a retired certified professional midwife who continues to teach in both pediatrics and writing. When she’s not off the grid at her cabin, she lives in St. Paul with a good man and two animals.